I feel like can't tell anyone how much I'm struggling because I'm not losing any weight.
Nobody will believe me until I'm as sick as I was before.
And even then, it won't be all that I want and am looking for.
There's no such thing for me as "sick enough".
This is not a new feeling though. I've thought this for as long as I can remember.
I always felt as though I wasn't ever "sick enough" to be part of the eating disorder section of SH.
Now I feel like I don't belong in the recovery section.
Getting that qualifier,
"sick enough",
is something I've always struggled with and talk about a lot.
It'll never have been enough for me,
I'll never have made it there.
Mom said I look like I'm still losing, but all I see when I look in the mirror is how big I think I am and all the things I should be doing to change that.
I'm making impossible goals for myself and saying I'll get to them by any means necessary.
I can relate Torrence
ReplyDeleteI always feel that I amn't sick enough or thin enough
I look for signs that I am sick like not getting my period
I've regained some weight this year
My body has started to recover but my mind is still so very far behind and still so sick
I think it's part off the illness that we never think we are sick enough
It's a disease that tells us that we don't have it
Take care x