I feel like can't tell anyone how much I'm struggling because I'm not losing any weight.

Nobody will believe me until I'm as sick as I was before.
And even then, it won't be all that I want and am looking for.
There's no such thing for me as "sick enough".

This is not a new feeling though. I've thought this for as long as I can remember.
I always felt as though I wasn't ever "sick enough" to be part of the eating disorder section of SH.
Now I feel like I don't belong in the recovery section.

Getting that qualifier,
"sick enough",
is something I've always struggled with and talk about a lot.
It'll never have been enough for me,
I'll never have made it there.

Mom said I look like I'm still losing, but all I see when I look in the mirror is how big I think I am and all the things I should be doing to change that.

I'm making impossible goals for myself and saying I'll get to them by any means necessary.

despair.

I am having a bad day today.

My work pants are tight today (and by tight, I mean they actually fit and aren't loose like they were last week.)
I'm trying to remind myself that I have my period and this is normal and ok.
But it's not working and I've already slipped up a few times today.

When I think about my period, all I want to do is start starving so I can make it go away again.

I have no confidence that I will ever be past these eating issues.

I'm certain I will die from this.
I've been saying it for years and I still don't think it's clicked.

I don't think I will consider myself sick enough until it's far too late.