I’m really surprised that I’m not more upset about this. But I think it’s good. I can feel the door shut on that part of my past. I don’t feel like I’m missing something anymore, because I’ve got my answer.
It does hurt a lot, the fact that he’s moved on and they’re trying to start a family, but maybe now I can too.
No more holding back. No more what-ifs. No more forgetting the future because I’m stuck in the past.
This is good, all of it.
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Today I am struggling with eating.
I am having a terrible "fat day" and I keep going through my food log and cutting stuff out.
I want to see just how little I can survive on this week.
I'm reworking the meal plans I took so much care to make.
I wish the heat were gone, so I could stop having to monitor how much I exercise outside.
I feel close to the edge today,
All I need is a push and goddammit I'll do it again.
Just you see how small I'll get this time.
I don't know if it has anything to do with the emails,
I really do feel ok with everything being definite ended.
But then where did these feelings come from?
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