neglect

Like with all my blogs, I feel like I'm falling out of this already.
I don't want to, I really feel like talking things out would help me.
But I am just .... talked out.

I just sent an email to the only person I've ever seen a future with.
I've felt ill for hours. I can't sleep.
I'm so terrified of his response, or lack of one.

For the past three years, since we last dated,
I've felt a big hole in my heart.
I haven't felt complete in three years.
It's a terrible feeling.

I don't put my feelings out like this.
I do all that I can to remain as cold and hardened as possible.
I fear getting hurt and getting left almost more than anything else in the world.

This is a BIG thing for me.
And all I can do is cry.